I need to tell you something, and I think you should know. I have never felt such happiness like in the time that we've been together. You have been really good to me and I have never felt so good about myself since you happened. But there have been many times that you have hurt me too, and I never said a thing. And there have been many times that you made me so lonely. Half of the credit is mine from over thinking things and for being too afraid. But I don't know why in the times that I have been really sad because of you I couldn't manage to write a thing. The feeling is there, the usual feeling that fuels me to write something is filling the air around me. But I seem to be out of words. It's like my ability to speak was taken away. And all I could do is swallow every weight that is pressed against me.
I don't know if it's you or it's me. But I can't write decently. It's like I don't how to write anymore. And I'm afraid to choose between writing like mad and you. I think I'd choose you. And I fear I shouldn't. I don't know. I am confused.
I went through my notebooks today. I read them all. I noticed I write differently when I write about you. Maybe you have this effect on me. It's unfamiliar, but there's comfort in the unfamiliarity. Maybe, just maybe, you were right when you said that.
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