Into a cliff, I pushed you.

Here are photos from my latest day at the beach (which is actually two months ago.) I didn't enjoy it the way I was supposed to though. I was with a friend and his family, and I felt used. Anyway, an hour by the seaside will always be a lifetime of calm no matter who you're with. Let's keep that optimistic thought. Well, I am trying to.

Salty Hair, Sultry Air

Back to my childhood home, 2017

I am a believer of memory.

I know that I wasn't born out of love, nor out of lust; I was born out of the memory of these feelings. I was born out of a recollection of a past that was supposed to be forgotten.

I believe in the existence of emotions; I also believe in their cessation. I believe that the memory of having these emotions is what gives them their seemingly unending existence.

I believe that love is felt by remembering the memory of what love feels like. Loathing, from the memory of what made you feel such.

I believe that memory shared is a vessel of emotions shared, emotions understood, misunderstood, reciprocated.

I believe that there is no present. Everything is a memory of a past - always a split-second future turning into a split-second past. There is no present.

I believe that forgetting is not eradication of memory, but denial of it, with intention or without. It is latency; it is hibernation; it is panels of fogged glass that would inevitably shatter with periodic bombardment of rocks.

I am a believer of memory. I am also a believer of freedom from it. Because memory is as beautiful as it is ugly.

No Chance, No Romance

 

Unimpressed, Overdressed, Powerless

• You need a smaller angle to see what's in a higher place from below. You need a wider angle to see things below from a higher place. Trigonometry has many applications in life.
• People have different coping mechanisms: indifference, wailing, binge eating, endless talking. I'd rather keep silent. Preference for being alone does not always mean brooding.
• I am writing in bullet points again because there is too much to say, and I don't want to get lost in too much.
• Noli Me Tangere translated to English is one of the best books I have ever read. But oppression is always the saddest novel theme. 
• [Honest people] do not always get what their honesty and honest means and honest reasons deserve. Because balance is a myth, except in Alchemy, and Chemistry, and Maths. I love hard science. There is always balance. I love balance.
• There are too many people dying in violent situations. I do not want to wallow in this, because I am highly empathetic. Once I dive into the fact that so much ugly is happening, I fear I would lose my mind, my self. I do not want to go too deep. I cannot swim. I cannot swim. I cannot swim.
• I am not lonely.