Sunday, April 21, 2013

It's hard to live in a bottle, but I found a hammer. Some have hammers, but they don't use it.

Lately I get hesitant whether I should keep this blog up or keep this up and not get too personal. But I can't do any of that. I love this world I created. I am free here. Though recently that freedom was threatened and I felt completely and utterly violated.

There have been a number of times where I deleted every blog I had once some unwelcome character walk into it and invade my world and judge me because of it and act as if that some unwelcome character knows everything about me because that some unwelcome character had speculations about the self I have laid down. I laid myself open because I felt I needed to. I am laying myself open because I feel I need to. It is hard to trust  and get myself out of my mouth. And then some unwelcome character comes to poke needles into my guts. And I bet you when that some unwelcome character reads this, that some unwelcome character will have the expected reaction (i.e. use whatever is written here against me or make counter statements.) But I don't care anymore. I will not ruin my found comfort just because of some unwelcome character. I am not ashamed of what I am. And I will not get rid of the records of what I have become and what I am becoming just because some unwelcome character found its way again to my open body. 

This world is mine. And nobody can steal this from me. And no character shall lead to the cessation of its existence. I don't care what kind of a monster I am that comes to mind. I know my self more than anyone and there are people who accept me for who I am and who I'll be.

My chest is heavy. I need to stop talking about these things. 

Anyway, bottom line is, I'll keep this blog as it was and as it should be. No restrictions or moderation. Let some unwelcome character cringe.

So, I have been away since the invasion of my public privacy and you know why. Lots of things happened. Good things I regret of not writing about.

Regina graduated from college and I am really proud of her. Sue came back from New York. Sue, V, P and I have been going out if we could. Once we went to the casino and watched a friend's band perform. It was good. They were good. Sue and I went on dates like we usually do. Went to my cousin's and visited my sister. V, P and I have been hanging out and once they went with me when I went out to study for my exams. 

It's summer here and the weather is really killing me. It goes up to 39 degrees on some days. I badly want to go to the seaside and occasionally have a dip in the water.

Last Friday was art day. We all went to the studio. P, V, J, Ch, Sue and I made portraits of each other. Well technically, we drew Sue and Ch because they're really nice to make. Lately I have never written or drawn anything that's why I was really happy when I started making things again. And I shall keep on making things. I must remember that.

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